Thursday, October 15, 2009

Senate Republicans: Gang Rape is Okay, but Fake ACORN Prostitution Crosses the Line!

So how does everyone here feel about gang rape? Its bad, right? If you agree with me there, I think we'll probably see eye to eye. (And if not, 4chan is right over there.)

Well, apparently there are 30 republicans in the senate who don't see things the way we do. Yes, 30 people voted to support rapists. Yes, they were all republicans. And yes, all of them were men. Let me backtrack.

Four years ago, a Halliburton employee named Jamie Leigh Jones was drugged and gang raped by her coworkers. They locked her in a cell for 24 hours without food or water, and told her if she looked for help after the rape, she'd be fired. However, she wasn't allowed to sue her employer because fine print in her contract forbade her to take legal action against her company, even if she was raped.

Basically, if Halliburton employees under government contract rape someone on the job, they can't be prosecuted.

Halliburton is a defense contractor with a long history of dealing with the US government. So obviously, the government needs to stop doing business with companies who support rapists, yes? So, Al Franken, our newest senator, decided to write an amendment that would do just that. It passed 68-30. Amongst the 68 who supported anti-rape legislation were 10 republicans, each of whom deserve a pat on the back for true bipartisan progress. However, 30 white republican men didn't think the government should have any say in how a government-employed contractor does government business.

"The congress should not be involved in writing or re-writing private contracts. That's just not how we should handle matters in the United States Senate.
-Jeff Sessions, R-ALA

That's right! No government meddling in private organizations that receive government funding!

Well, unless its two people pretending to be a pimp and a prostitute in an ACORN office. Then its totally okay for the government to meddle! Just ask the man who voted for rape from Nebraska, who's behind shutting off ACORN funding-

"This is an organization that just continues to dig itself into a deeper and deeper hole. This group needs to be defunded and investigated."
-Mike Johanns, R-N

You tell 'em, Mike. Any organization that gives advice on tax evasion to a make-believe pimp needs to have all their money taken away, because that's lightyears worse than gang rape!

And Johanns knows what constitutes good business and bad business. That's why he voted to take the side of rapists by saying no to Franken's amendment, and then went and wrote the "Protect Taxpayers from ACORN" act. Taxpayers need to be protected from those community organizers!

Now if a taxpayer is raped by oil company employees? Well, she should've just read the contract before signing. We can't be telling rapists how to do their job or anything. They NEED that government money, right GOP?

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